Goofy Dad Stories (1) – Coffee and Creamers

Goofy Dad Stories (1) – Coffee and Creamers

Goofy Dad Stories (1) – Coffee and Creamers.

Once upon a time, when I was a busy and distracted educator, I stopped quickly at the local 7-11 on the way to school. The time was 7:00 a.m., the place, Falls Church, Virginia, the educator, preoccupied. After all, I had grade reports to write, curriculum to research, teachers to manage, students to inspire. So I hustled to the coffee counter in back, poured the steaming liquid into a 16 oz. Styrofoam cup, and noticed that the coffee looked rather stout and hearty that morning. Mmm, looks good, I surmised. But I’d better put some cream in there if I know what’s good for me. So I took one of those much-loved little plastic thimbles full of synthetic cream, peeled back the paper top, spied the garbage can nearby, and carefully reached out to pour the cream into the trash. Without spilling a valuable drop, I then neatly placed the empty little creamer into my coffee cup, so that it floated neatly on the surface of the deep. Yes, you read this right, but stay with me.

I sagely observed that this tar needed more cream. I proceeded to oh-so-carefully and deliberately repeat that procedure… Peel back, pour into trash, place empty plastic cup into coffee. Oh my, I then decided, this looked indeed like a 3-cream java… very strong, a stiff morning beverage. So, with impressive focus, I repeated the process once again. There were now 3 empty thimble cups floating on the surface of my coffee, and I was blissfully unaware. I was greatly satisfied with myself and my coffee, and eagerly anticipated the fruit of my labors.

Unbeknownst to me, though, there were now circled around me many people, most from foreign lands, staring open-mouthed and pointing at me, and at my coffee cup, with furtive glances towards the dripping trash can. They were clearly unsure about the floating creamers in my coffee cup, but I didn’t yet understand the problem. After all, I was a busy educator, and I had places to go, people to see, things to do. So the light of knowledge had not yet dawned.

Well, I thought triumphantly, time to go and conquer the world. As I stir my coffee with my little swizzle stick, I noticed a strange sound… tinkle, tinkle, tinkle. What’s that weird tinkling sound, I wondered. And why are all these people laughing in foreign tongues? I knew full well this was not Pentecost Sunday. Suddenly, dawn broke and the truth was revealed. I peered into my Styrofoam cup, and noticed 3 clear plastic bobbers dancing merrily on the surface of my coffee. I stared at the cup as I began to understand.

I quickly reflected on the last five minutes as I nodded to myself in recognition of the situation. I calmly reached into my coffee cup, removed my creamers and threw them into the trash, to reunite the little cups with their contents. With false bravado, I decided to stride to the front door with my coffee cup, paid the man at the counter who was now smirking, and endured the comments being offered in many foreign tongues. I think I might have heard “muy loco,” but I’m not sure.

I proceeded to  drive away in my blue Geo Prism, content to escape the public spotlight for the time being, my hearty $1.50 morning coffee now cold. I had to smile.

3 Replies to “Goofy Dad Stories (1) – Coffee and Creamers”

  1. That is hysterical!!! Muy loco, lol! And after all that, you drank it black. Thank you for giving me a laugh today

  2. I needed a good laugh this morning; thanks, Steve! I am just picturing the line of people watching you…. you gave them a laugh and something to talk about that day!
    Going to pour myself a cup of coffee and putting cream in from the pitcher!😉