Home Sweet Home: Reasoning Together

Nurturing the Ability to Reason Together at Home.

“Come, let us reason together.”  (Isaiah 1:18).

In this passage we find Yahweh asking for His people to come to the table for a civilized discussion about an important topic, the life-saving matter of forgiveness from sins. In other words, the Lord is asking for the people to come together and discuss this matter together. Come, He is saying, and let’s settle this matter using the good brains I gave to all of you. Let us deliberate and discuss in depth, even if it comes to arguing it out together in a peaceable way. Come and let us think well together.

Is this type of discussion even possible these days? Human discourse, both public and private, is at an all-time low. Has civilized discussion ever reached a lower ebb than right now? Disagreement has become distasteful, and the virtue of discussing conflicting ideas to reach the truth is now viewed with so much suspicion as to render that discussion impossible. So many discussions with opposing views now quickly degenerate into a shouting match in which both sides view the other with disdain and self-righteous judgment. This inability to debate differences of opinion is a failure of the home and the school in America. The family table, or the living room, in all ages, is the perfect place to learn how to discuss differences and controversies. Children and young people alike have seemingly not learned how to resolve verbal conflicts, to respect differences, to disagree with dignity. They have not been taught how to cooperate when in conflict, and we are now reaping the consequences in our society.

One of Judaism’s transforming strengths is that it nurtures people who welcome argument and debate. Jews do not curtail or limit disagreement, because they see conflict as a primary way to arrive at the truth. In fact, rabbi Jonathan Sacks, in his Torah commentary on the book of Numbers, refers to “the rabbinic ethic of the pursuit of knowledge as an extended argument between differing views within a fellowship of learning.” Is there a better description of what can happen in the dining room when children are taught to learn cooperatively? Rabbi Sacks goes on to say that “understanding comes from the willingness to be challenged.” That is a learned behavior, and parents could lead the way in helping their children to enjoy being challenged in the pursuit of truth. Wouldn’t it be great if h each home was seen as a “fellowship of learning” and learned how to have civilized discussions at the home front?

Another key contribution to cooperative discussions within the Judeo-Christian faith is its ethic of love and truth being the bottom line. Rabbi Sacks quotes from a rabbinic source… “Even a teacher and disciple, even a father and son, when they sit to study Torah together become enemies to one another. But they do not move from there until they have become beloved to one another. Therefore, there is love at the end.” Their habit of mind regarding Scripture study can be applied to any type of study and discussion. Children can be taught this at home, and students can be taught this ethic in the classroom, to show ultimate respect to those with whom one disagrees, even to the point of love for the opponent. Speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) is at the heart of the Biblical mindset, and certainly can be a central force in the Christ-centered home and school. This can be done, but children need to be taught how to respect differences from pre-school ages forward, and could even continue that training into young adulthood till it becomes second nature. Perhaps then we all can begin to view disagreement not just as conflict, but as “collaborative activity in pursuit of honesty and truth.” (Rabbi Sacks).

The following are some guidelines for children at home or school when learning how to reason together in the classroom, with the parent/teacher being the discussion leader:

“Come, let us…    

Respect the thinking of our family members and classmates;

Equally share the stage so all can participate;

Actively listen with an open mind without interrupting;

Support our own personal views and opinions with our thinking on the matter;

Offer our comments with humility, maybe to the point of saying, “I could be wrong here, but…;

Never let someone else do our thinking for us.

Together.”  (Isaiah 1:18)