Agape Love – What does it look like?
Agape Love – What does it look like?
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Agape-Love each other. Just as I have agape-loved you, you should agape-love each other.” (John 13:34-35).
Agape Love – Agape love is the supreme of all the loves, and desires the highest good of someone else. Agape is “the highest level of love known to humanity,” (C. S. Lewis), and thus can only come from above with God as its source. Agape love is the ultimate expression of God’s nature, the essence of His character (see Exodus 34). Agape love is not Eros, which is romantic love. It is not Phileo, which is brotherly love. It is not Storge, which is family love. Agape love is the divine love that can only come to us from the heart of God. Agape love is the love shared between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God is truly the source of all these other loves, but it is only agape love that is poured into our hearts from the Holy Spirit, to those who believe in Christ. Agape love is an eternal virtue outlasting all the other virtues (1 Corinthians 13:8). Agape love is the primary fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) Agape love, the sacred love of God, is universal, it is a gift, it is highly active, it is sacrificial, and it is unconditional.
UNIVERSAL: “For God so agape-loved the world that He gave His only and unique Son, so that everyone who faithfully trusts into Him may have eternal life instead of being utterly destroyed.” (John 3:16). This seems too good to be true. But actually, because of God’s love, it is so good it has to be true. Creator God has an eternal love for all people. He didn’t send his Son for the sake of the privileged or elite. He doesn’t love just those who are religious or pious. God truly loves everyone in His creation, past, present and future; the righteous and the unrighteous; the worthy and the unworthy; the broken and the whole; those who have a lot to offer and those who don’t. He sent His Son for those who would love Him, and those who would hate Him; those who might accept Christ and those who might reject Him; those who would worship Jesus and those who would shout “Crucify Him!” Not one person in the history of the world has had to qualify for God’s love, to somehow earn God’s love, to be considered worthy of His love. “For God so loved the world…” God took the initiative, God started the whole process of agape love. That kind of universal love is agape love, and is intended to spill out into the world through believers in Him.
A GIFT: “For we know how dearly God agape-loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with agape love; God has poured out His agape love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us; We can now experience the endless agape love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!” (Romans 5:5) The most virtuous person on the planet cannot manufacture agape love as if it’s merely a highly esteemed trait. We don’t have it in us. We aren’t born with the ability to show agape love. It is impossible for us to demonstrate agape love on our own, because it can only derive from God, and not from human nature. Agape love is an undeserved gift. Faith in God comes first, even a microscopic faith. And then agape is poured into our hearts as believers, and it then spreads to the world. This divine love being poured into our hearts is meant to be demonstrated to others through acts of mercy, kindness and compassion. This love, this affectionate yearning that others are blessed, spills over from our hearts only after being poured into our hearts through a faithful submission to the Lord. Through the Holy Spirit, agape love can realistically become second nature to us and in us, displacing the old lesser loves in a Christian’s life. Agape love is the means by which God’s divine love may reach the world. Agape love is an eternal virtue, and it lasts forever (1 Cor. 13:8). Agape love is the primary fruit of the Spirit, the divine love offered to us to spread God’s love to others. Love poured into us, love splashed out to others… God’s gift to us that we would offer that gift to others.
UNCONDITIONAL: God’s agape has always been offered to the world unconditionally, so that same divine love is offered to others in the same way. Our love for others is fleshed out by desiring the highest good for someone else. Our love doesn’t expect anything in return, it is a love that gives but doesn’t take. Our love does not seek out those who would somehow be worthy of love, or could earn God’s love. Agape love is that love which is offered to hateful enemies (Matthew 5:43-46), to those who love nothing better than to hurt you and disrespect you. Agape love even desires what’s best for those who hate God. Agape is offered freely, no strings attached, to all made in the image of God. When we love an image-bearer, we are honoring our Creator. Agape love tends to involve, sooner or later, forgiveness.
SACRIFICIAL: Agape love is the ultimate demonstration of unselfishness, of self-denial for the benefit of others. Agape develops the habit of forgetting yourself on purpose. It is the willingness to remain a daily martyr of goodwill, picking up one’s cross so others are blessed. Agape love sometimes is demonstrated at great personal cost. It could even mean giving up something that is rightfully ours so that someone else can receive something he probably hasn’t earned. The clearest and most profound example of sacrificial agape love was the death of the Innocent One, Jesus Christ, on the Cross. He gave up His life for those who didn’t deserve it, which includes all of humanity. “No one has greater agape love than a person who is willing to lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13).
ACTIVE: Agape love is not theoretical, it is not abstract. It is not just a great idea ripe for discussion. Agape love actually does things, it acts out and demonstrates love. Agape doesn’t merely think about loving others with God’s love, agape fleshes out the love and makes it visible. Agape is filled with genuine empathy and not mere sentimentality. Feelings and emotions have nothing to do with agape love. Agape is an act of the will, a deliberate decision to demonstrate God’s love to others whether they deserve it or not, whether we “feel like it” or not. Agape loves what is best for someone else, which could mean accountability and a proper justice. It could mean mercy, too. That’s why agape love depends on the wisdom of God to discern what is best for someone else. Sometimes agape love is inactive, in the sense of not intervening, and stepping back if it is appropriate. Agape love is literally practical that way, and wants to put into play an imitation of Jesus as He knew when and what to say, what to do. Sometimes agape love appears to be rather inconsistent. We know that the Son of God was completely filled with agape love, and that He went around doing good, touching the untouchable, loving the unlovable, embracing the unclean, accepting those who were rejected, serving those who were unlovely and broken. If one wonders what agape love looks like in action, read the gospels and imitate Jesus. When we need to be reminded of what marks the life a true believer, we fix our eyes on Jesus and witness agape love in the flesh.
“Beloved friends, let us agape-love one another; because agape-love is from God. Everyone who agape-loves is fathered by God and experiences an intimate knowledge of Him. Those who refuse to agape-love don’t know the first thing about God, because God is agape-love – So you can’t know Him if you don’t agape-love” (1 John 4:7-8).
What does Agape Love look like? We can answer that in two words: Jesus Christ. In His ministry on earth, He was Agape Love in the flesh. He is what Agape Love looks like. But let’s go further and consider what that looks like for each of us who follow Jesus.
When we read that love is the first in line with the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22, along with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, it is not just any kind of love being highlighted as the primary fruit, it is Agape Love that is declared. Apparently, the first priority of the Holy Spirit in us is to produce the fruit of agape-love. In one sense, agape-love is the fruit (remember, the “fruit of the Spirit” is in the singular), and the rest of those spiritual qualities mentioned in Galatians are seeds from that fruit of agape-love.
When Paul lists some of the virtues that characterize those who follow the Lord in Colossians 3:12-14, it is none other than Agape Love that binds together all those virtues: “Chosen and loved by God to live a life of agape-love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you. Robe yourself in the virtues of God, clothed in heartfelt compassion as you seek to understand others, showing kindness and humility, with gentleness and patience. Be even-tempered and content with second place. Be quick to forgive an offense, and forgive as quickly and completely as our Master Jesus has forgiven you. Bear with each other, tolerating each other’s weaknesses. Agape Love is supreme, so let agape-love flow through each of these virtues. For whatever else you put on, wear agape-love, the hallmark of maturity. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. And let your heart always be guided by the peace of Christ, keeping you in step with each other, cultivating a life of thankfulness.” (MSG).
When Paul exhorted the Romans in the way of Agape Love in Romans 12:9-18, he described agape this way: “Let the inner movement of your heart always be to agape-love one another. Agape-love from the center of who you are… Don’t fake it, don’t play the role of an actor wearing a mask. Be devoted to tenderly agape-loving others as members of your new family. In agape-love let your feelings of deep devotion for each other come to full expression, and regard others as more important than yourself. Try to outdo yourselves in respect and honor for each other, outdoing each other in mutual esteem. Eagerly welcome people into your home, being creative in your hospitality. Celebrate when others celebrate, laughing when others are happy. But also weep when they weep, sharing their tears of pain or misery. Live happily together in a state of harmony, and be as mindful of the other’s worth as you are of your own. Don’t try to agape-love with a lofty mindset, thinking you are too important to be a servant. Don’t be smug, or even think for a moment that you know it all. Don’t congratulate yourself on your wisdom. Don’t pride yourself on being better than you really are. Never hold a grudge or try to get even, but plan your life around the noblest way to benefit others. As much as possible, and to the utmost of your ability, be at peace with each other. Do your best to live as everybody’s friend.” (MSG).
St. Paul really outdid himself in this passage, the greatest love chapter in Scripture. The entire chapter centers on agape love, and in this article we will discuss once again what agape love looks like (The remainder of 1 Corinthians 13 is covered in a forthcoming article). It has been recommended to me that I replace “agape-love” with the name of Jesus in this passage, and it turns out to be a vivid personality profile of our Lord:
“Jesus is patient under stress, gentle and consistently kind. Jesus refuses to be jealous or envious. He does not act unbecomingly. Jesus does not brag or strut, inflate His own importance, or seek His own advantage. Since Jesus is not self-seeking, He doesn’t insist on His own rights. Jesus is never rude, and does not indulge in shaming or disrespecting others. Jesus is not easily irritated or overly sensitive. Jesus is not quick to take offense, or keep score, or store up grievances. Jesus is always ready to make allowances for others in their weak moments. Jesus joyfully celebrates honesty and the truth, and finds no delight in what is clearly an injustice or unrighteous. Jesus bears up under anything and everything that comes, and always ready to believe the best of every person. He keeps hope alive even in difficult circumstances. Jesus never gives up, enduring everything without weakening. Jesus will never become obsolete and remains loyal to the end.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, various versions).
And now after viewing the incarnation of Agape Love in 1 Corinthians 13, read this same passage again, replacing Jesus with “Agape Love.” This is what Agape Love looks like… as the primary Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22; as the common element uniting all the virtues listed in Colossians 3:12-14; as the vital character quality in community according to Romans 12:9-18; and finally as the believer’s personality style as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Does this level of profound self-giving, unconditional love come naturally? No. It comes from God. It’s a gift to us from the Lord. Agape Love comes from an active faith that is fleshed out in life with others, a faith that is proving itself with Agape Love. Agape Love is the regular exercise routine of a believer in God. It is a quality of the heart that involves a process, and it will keep growing and maturing as the believer lives into Jesus.