3. The Parent’s Privilege: Gifting the Faith to the Children by Training Up
3. Gifting the Faith to the Children by Training Up.
“Train up your children in the direction they are best suited to go, and dedicate them to God for His purposes, and what they learn from you will be with them for life.” (Proverbs 22:6).
No, No, No… this well-known passage does not give permission for a parent to act like a drill sergeant to train his soldiers, or to adopt the persona of a dog owner to train Fido, or to swagger like a cowboy who trains his horse, or even to be a hard-nosed coach who is training an Olympic athlete. This short proverb is not for the parent who “trains up” his children by controlling them, or by being domineering, or by keeping his children under wraps at all costs.
Lord Protect My Child – Susan Tedeschi
The Hebrew word for training up is “chanakh,” and literally means “to put something in the mouth.” This confusing word is taken from the Jewish practice of dipping the finger in some sweet date juice and rubbing that juice on the gums of a newborn baby in order to stimulate the baby’s sucking reflex. The intent is to initiate breastfeeding and inspire the baby to develop the ability to get the nourishment he needs so desperately. This was the ancient middle eastern way of saying… You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, but on the other hand you can make him thirsty.
Interestingly, though, chanakh was also used in the Hebrew Bible in the context of dedicating a new home and the new Temple (Deuteronomy 20:5 and 1 Kings 8:63). To chanakh a house or Temple was to dedicate that important structure, to set it apart for God’s purposes, to hand it over to God’s ownership. To chanakh was to consecrate something so it starts in the right direction.
Train Up. So to chanakh a child would be to nurture and direct him so that he goes in the right direction; to point a child to a God-honoring path; to guide a child in the best direction for him; to launch a child into his life by carefully shaping his heart and mind to choose the right direction for his life; to hand over the child’s ownership to God; to set a child apart for special purposes; to initiate a child’s development by inspiring him to learn and grow in the right way; to do whatever it takes to offer proper guidance for a child, whether establishing boundaries, developing a healthy relationship, providing a helpful example, holding the child accountable, inspiring the child to work hard, and to teaching with a kind-hearted firmness. A personal trainer in the chanakh tradition might have to occasionally crack the whip like a lion -tamer, but the process is much more like fanning the flame of a sacred candle.
“The way he should go” means to train a child in the way that is particularly appropriate for that child; to guide a child in a way that takes into consideration his temperament and personality, his capacity and abilities, his natural gifts and tendencies, his unique inclinations and idiosyncrasies. We all know, don’t we, that it’s not how smart a child is, but how that child is smart. The teaching is centered on what will be motivating for that child. The training is based on an understanding of who the child is, how he was created by God. To train up a child is to understand a child’s first nature and use that wisely so that it becomes second nature. As the Jewish philosopher and educator Martin Buber once said, “The greatest thing any person can do for another is to confirm the deepest thing in him or her – to take the time and have the discernment to see what is most deeply there inside, most fully that person, and then confirm it by recognizing and encouraging it.”
Not a Promise. So, this proverb isn’t necessarily a fool-proof promise, but the odds are in the favor of this time-honored principle… a child being wisely developed according to his way will most likely not depart from those values and habits when the child matures into old age. The key ingredient throughout all this training is the relationship of love, trust and respect shared between the parent and the child.
Paedeia. “Training up” in the Hebrew tradition looks a lot like a discipleship-term in the Christian tradition… “Paedeia.” This is the Greek term similar to chanakh in terms of instruction and discipline for a specific purpose. There is another Hebrew word for a type of training and raising of children, “musar.” Both Hebrew terms are centered on training up one’s children for God’s purposes and to live God’s way. In paedeia the training of children includes instruction, discipline, and correction. It is the style of education and a learning experience that is intended to lead to a child’s full personal development, the intentional formation of the intellect as well as one’s character. It is the full-bodied training of a child that sharpens both the mind and the conscience, and results in what we could call moral intelligence. It makes sense that early Christians expanded paideia to include spiritual training and development.
Sacred Scripture. St. Paul refers to the most authoritative training manual every child (and adult) needs in order to grow up and be trained to go in the right direction:
“All of Scripture has been Spirit-breathed, ‘God-inspirited’, and is valuable for teaching us the truth, convicting us of sin, correcting us of faults, and training us (“paedeia”) in righteousness, to live in a God-approved way, so that God’s servants may be fully mature and thoroughly prepared for the tasks ahead and have all they need to accomplish every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16).
The writer of the Letter to the Hebrews wrote of paedeia as well in Hebrews 12:5-11. The important word for training up, paideia, is used eight times in this short passage. This passage on training and discipleship speaks for itself and doesn’t need any commentary:
“Have you forgotten God’s encouraging words spoken to you as His children? ‘My dear child, don’t underestimate the value of the training and the discipline of the Lord God, or get discouraged when He has to correct you. For the Lord’s training of your life is the evidence of His faithful love. When He draws you to himself and embraces you in this way, it proves that you are His child. God is educating you, and His correction is part of your training, for He is doing what any loving father does for his dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training us, and not spoiling us, so why not welcome our spiritual Father’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best, inviting us to share in His holiness. Now all this training seems to be more pain than pleasure, but later it will produce a peaceable fruit of righteousness, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”